Breakdown

Over the last few months I think I have suffered a bit of a “breakdown” not at all in a negative sense but rather in the sense that after the last year we have had I just needed to take a break. A break from the constant stress and worry about the things we just couldn’t control but we thank God turned out so well. A break from blogging about, thinking about, or even talking about one medical crisis or another, I decided to pack it all away for a bit and breathe.

Last year brought so much, both good and bad. It had been many years since we had three surgeries in a six month period. In so many ways it felt like we had gone back to square one, an eerie place we had been before but had hoped to never revisit. It seemed we were reliving Max’s first year of life when multiple surgeries, following in quick succession, were our “norm”. Long hospital stays, ICUs, ventilators, etc. were part of our distant past but yet we found ourselves in the midst of the chaos again. We were sorely out of practice but as they say it’s like riding a bicycle you never really forget no matter how hard you try. We quickly found our groove and went back on auto-pilot.

Without doubt the worst part of the last year was watching Max go through all he went through. Missing out on school vacations, summer breaks, lying in a bed with tubes coming out of every imaginable place and seeing the suffering in his eyes. Throughout it all he complained very little but we have seen so many changes in Max recently we can’t help but wonder what scars he has from his most recent battles. Surely some of it is just the result of a little boy growing up but much of it must be attributed to the pain, both physical and emotional, he went through this last year. I have spent a lot of my newly found “free time” just trying to be a normal mom (still not sure what that is and if it even exists) in a normal mother/son relationship trying to help Max bounce back. I’m happy to report that underneath it all Max is still his same old goofy self!

In the midst of all of this, as things started to calm down and Max’s health “report card” seemed to be getting straight A’s I think my mind just went into hibernation and I needed to take a break from being the mom of a chronically ill child. Obviously I am STILL the mom of a very special little boy who is in fact chronically, seriously ill but we’ve been in a “lull” and I’m milking it for everything it’s got. I’m enjoying this period of almost no medical fire drills, happy doctors, good news, and most importantly a happy and healthy Max.

So my “vacation” is over and I’m back in full force, watch out Blog World I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!