What the New School Year Means to Me

No this is not the title of a student's essay after their long summer break but rather the thoughts of a parent of a chronically ill child.

Every year at this time, I find myself to be more anxious than I usually am and believe me I have become a very anxious person these last eight years. At first, this anxiousness is just a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach but it soon evolves until I realize that it’s the start of the school year that has me so uptight. This isn’t a carryover from my own school days but rather a concern for what the year will bring for Max. Who will his new teacher be? Will she understand and accept him for what he is or will she only see a child with a long list of medical problems that in her mind equates him with “stupid”? I know that for some of you this might seem a gross exaggeration but if I’ve learned nothing these last few years I’ve learned that society as a whole has no idea how to deal with the chronically ill individual. For chronic kiddos this often means that in the minds of some their physical challenges are often confused with mental challenges. As we all know this doesn’t apply to these children and it certainly doesn’t apply to Max. Yet we have encountered it time and time again, and I must admit it’s one of the things I hate most about parenting a medically fragile child. When Max was little we could keep him insulated in our world and the medical world where everyone is used to children like Max and adores them for who they are, not what they are. At the time, I dreaded the day when Max would no longer be in our cocoon and would face these types of issues. That day has arrived and it never really gets easier. It affects our relationships with everyone, the school administration, teachers, classmates and their parents. We often walk away from these encounters knowing many of these folks look at Max (and us) with uncertainty and worst of all pity. It’s difficult to be seen as “different” when we don’t feel that we are. Yes, we have a ton of medical issues and all that this implies to deal with but underneath all of it we are really just a family going about the mundane tasks of daily living just as all families do.

So here I sit anxious beyond belief, praying that this will be a good year for Max. The beauty of it all is that no matter what Max is such a happy-go-lucky kid he’ll have a great year in spite of what happens, including all of my worrying. Thank God this child has such a wonderful outlook on life, in spite of all he’s been through. I guess that in the end this means all my worrying is just wasted energy…not that this logic stops me. After all, one of the biggest perks of motherhood is the ability to worry about everything and anything!

In closing, I must also add that Ellie starts high school this year (Is that possible? After all, it was only yesterday I dropped her off for her first day of kindergarten.) We all know that this brings on it’s own type of anxiousness....ah, the joys of parenting a chronic kiddo and a teenager….and people wonder why I drink!