Tears

It seems like this has been a very emotional week for everyone, at least at our house. I am out of town for work so I missed it when Max came home from school yesterday crying inconsolably about next week's surgery. He told Michele that "he's done", I have long worried about the arrival of this day and here it is. The timing couldn't be worse as we head to Baltimore for one surgery and to schedule yet another. Michele, as only he can, talked Max down and by the time I was able to skype him he seemed to be himself, super excited to show me the almanac he had gotten at the school's book fair. I guess I should never underestimate this kid's ability to bounce back!

Today was my turn to break down. I had myself one of the best cries I have had in a very, very long time. Strangely enough it was for much the same reason as Max, I'm done! And the only thing that set me off was a few e-mails tying up some loose ends for next week, last minute appointments, etc. The next thing I knew I was bawling like a baby! Over an MRI, really? There have been dozens of MRIs over the last nine years, why was this the one that sent me over the edge? Probably because this is the one that will make open heart surgery a reality. Realistically May’s surgery is a reality but an MRI is black and white proof – there’s no denying it.

Maybe I should admit to myself that it wasn’t only the MRI that caused me to crack, I think the bigger issue for me is the creeping fear that the doctors are not finding any other male children with Max’s genetic make-up and medical issues. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled that there aren’t other kids facing Max’s mountain of maladies but I do fear that with a lack of research subjects Hopkins will be forced to end their study. I have to be honest, no one has ever hinted at this and it could just be the emotional imagination of an exhausted mother but I have always had a sixth sense about these things. Hopefully I’ve worked myself up over nothing, there’s a first for everything, right?

So the good news is now that we’ve all gotten it out of our systems we should be good to go for next week. Should be……