A Day in the Life of a Single Mom

I feel the need to say first and foremost that I have found a whole new respect for single parents…it takes courage to allow yourself to be outnumbered by little people! Michele has been gone just over 48 hours and I’m not so sure how I’m doing. On the upside both kids are still alive, have arrived at school on time each day, have been driven to all their activities, appointments, etc., and have been fed at least once a day. On the downside I cannot guarantee that I will be able to keep this up until the 27th. Please don’t tell Michele this but I have also found a whole new respect for what he does for the kids – I am truly exhausted keeping his schedule! I actually fell asleep in the car waiting for Max to get out of school this afternoon. Considering how exhausted and disheveled I was it was a wonder that no one called the cops to get the homeless lady out of the school parking lot!

All of the craziness of the last few days reminded me of something I had written recently for a friend who’s working on a project. She asked some of us, all mothers of chronically ill kids, to write up what our typical day is like. Now when I wrote this it reflected what both Michele and I do each day to keep our not so finely tuned machine running….today I realized I’m playing both roles. Yikes! Take a peek but be sure to insert my name everywhere you see Michele’s, then send me over a bottle of wine…..


Max’s Marathon

5:30am – Our alarm clock rings. If we have actually gotten any sleep Michele and I wake up and try to get ready for the day. This includes numerous cups of strong espresso, we are strong believers that caffeine is our friend. My first shift starts.

6:30am – Max wakes and the race begins!

6:30 – 8am – Breakfast. Because Max needs 5,000+ calories a day meal times are usually long and grueling. Breakfast usually includes three eggs, 16 oz of milk with protein powder, 2 chocolate puddings, a banana and waffles. Max has to eat such a large quantity at breakfast because we can’t calculate what, if anything, he gets at school so we really have to be sure to “fuel him up”. We generally refer to Max’s diet as the Michael Phelps diet for 7 year olds!

7am – We dose out and Max takes six medicines and supplements, some for his heart some for his poor absorption of what he’s eating. Whenever Max has respiratory issues we need to add breathing treatments to this routine.

7:15am – I try to get out the door to work and bring Max’s sister to school (yes, we actually have another child who needs our attention – sometimes she gets it, sometimes she doesn’t J). My second shift starts.

8:40am – Michele and Max furiously leave for school praying they get there in time! Max has been up for more than two hours and still it’s a mad dash, how do some kids get ready for school in 15 minutes? Oh right, they don’t have to take multiple meds, eat like a longshoreman and have extra bathroom time.

9:00am – Once Michele gets home from dropping Max at school he starts his to do list: picks up the kitchen, does laundry, makes beds, etc. At work I start my to do list: order meds, handle DME requests and start fighting with insurance companies. Thank God I work in an environment that gives me time to do this! At home Michele has to hurry because he has to get back to school to give Max more meds (Max can even overwhelm the school nurse!) and make sure he eats SOMETHING for lunch.

11:15am – Michele’s back in the car and off to school. He assists Max with his meds, lunch and bathrooming if necessary. In the warm months (this is Arizona after all) he might have to stay with him during lunch recess because it’s too warm for a kid with a heart defect to be running around on the playground.

12:30pm – Back home Michele does more laundry and whatever else I’ve left him on his to do list. More often than not he’ll spend some time on the computer researching new meds, procedures or treatments that might benefit Max. Parenting a chronically ill child means you’re a nurse, doctor, medical researcher, advocate, etc., etc……….oh, yeah and just plain old Mom or Dad too!

2:15pm – Michele leaves to start the “bus route”. First he picks up Ellie at school which is 20 minutes from home and then returns home to pick up Max from school. This takes a total of about an hour and a half.

4:00pm – Michele fixes Max a “snack”. This snack usually involves cooking and is actually a full meal by most standards and Max has to get it down before he starts therapy (PT, OT) every afternoon at 5pm.

5:00 – 6:00pm – Therapy

6:00pm – I get home from work. My third shift starts.

6:00 – 7:00pm – One of us tries to get supper ready while the other helps Max (and maybe his sister) with homework. Because Max has a lot of issues with fine motor skills writing longer assignments frustrates him (and US!).

Hopefully no later than 7:30pm – We’re eating dinner (in my case usually gulping because there’s still so much to get done before Max’s bedtime at 8:30).

8:15pm – Send Max to get P.J.s on while we dose 7+ meds and supplements, hopefully he doesn’t need a breathing treatment!

8:30pm – Give Max his last “feeding” of the day, ice cream with a caloric supplement. Michele and I say that some days we feel like all we do is feed Max; it’s like a never ending meal! I read Max’s library books with him so he’ll be ready for his reading comprehension tests (this usually involves me dozing off waking only to hear Max complaining that I’m not listening).

Hopefully no later than 9:00 – 9:15pm – Get Max to bed. Once again we’ve missed the 8:30 mark, if the school ever knew that Max stays up until after 9:00 I’m sure they’d crucify us but I’d like to see them get all this done and be on schedule!

9:15pm – Clean kitchen, argue with Max to get back to bed, go through mail, argue with Max to go back to bed…..

10:00pm – Maybe, just maybe sit down for a few minutes and breathe or not…..

Throughout the night – check on Max, get up with him whenever he doesn’t feel well or needs help.

Just committing this schedule to paper exhausts me, I’ve always known “A Day in the Life of Max and Co.” was overwhelming but this is just scary. No wonder I’m such a zombie!

Of course this schedule doesn’t include any of our extracurricular activities: doctor’s appointments, ER trips, visiting our friendly neighborhood laboratory for blood work, visits from DDD or any other state agency that wants to be certain we haven’t sold Max to the gypsies while still collecting the hundreds of dollars of assistance they give us……….NOT!