Explaining Reality....or Not

The last few weeks have been difficult. Not necessarily for any one particular reason or even because Max has been sick. Rather I think my issue has been the reality of the next few months and what they hold.

Next month’s surgery is pretty much handled, emotionally, physically, and thanks to many dear people financially. I think the big issue is this summer. Max has only a very, very vague notion of the cardiac surgery looming on his horizon. Michele and I have always felt that it is not necessary to emotionally burden Max months before any medical treatment so as to cut down on his anxiety level. However, during the last few weeks Max has started to list the things he can’t wait to do this summer, including: swimming in his pool every day, playing baseball in the backyard and going to as many games as possible, and believe it or not, the first thing on his “to do” list is to go to summer school. Strangely enough this kid LOVES to go to summer school! But as I listen to him excitedly telling me about all the wonderful plans he has for his summer break my heart sinks just a little deeper. How can I explain to him that this summer will be different? That this summer is going to stink. How and when do I explain this? How can I possibly tell my son that it will be just one more school break spent in the confines of a hospital?

I don’t know how and to be honest I’m dead tired of having to explain this to Max. I know life isn’t fair and I know we all try to teach our kids this but with Max I’ve never really had to review this lesson. Max has learned the hard way that life isn’t fair. How can I explain all of this to him when I too ache for some normalcy? To watch him swim back and forth in the pool so proud of his new found swimming skills, to hear about his day at summer school, and even to toss a ball in the backyard every evening in 110 degrees (I must admit I hate this activity but would do it gladly in light of everything else).

Obviously logic has told me that there is no way I can broach this topic with Max until well after his eye surgery in a few weeks. But maybe I’m just being a coward, maybe I should just be honest the next time he brings up registering for summer school or getting tickets to the All-Star game. I really don’t know what to do but for now maybe I’ll continue my ostrich impersonation and keep my head buried in the sand…..