Acceptance

“I can’t wait to go to Baltimore in two months!” I admit I was shocked to hear these words tumble from Max’s mouth so matter-of-factly as if he was talking about some super cool vacation and not a trip that involves countless appointments, testing and even surgery. Over the last few days I’ve noticed that Max seems more positive about his upcoming treatment, there is less complaining and more acceptance. He speaks about it more naturally, questions less, and seems to have come to terms with the whole mess.

Over the years I have seen an evolution in how Max deals with everything that his life throws him. Obviously during the first year or two the only emotions we dealt with were our own, Max was too little to express very much. We knew this would change and of course it did as he grew. As a toddler we expected tantrums, anger, and general uncooperativeness. There was none of these things. Max seemed to accept it all as part of life, much like other children his age accept bikes, balls and cartoons as part of life. Max was a model patient; sweet, never complaining, and brave beyond words. We were in awe of our little boy’s courage as he faced things that we could not imagine. He seemed to go through life with that huge smile of his on his face as if he didn’t have a care in the word. All of this was his “normal” and he was fine with it. Just as before we knew this too would change. In the last year or two there seems to be some deep anger and frustration on Max’s part when dealing with his medical care. He blames us, he blames the doctors, heck he’ll blame anyone who stands still long enough. But when all is said and done he comes to terms with what looms on his horizon and he returns to his sweet, goofy little self and marches on. We’re still in awe of our son, it is without doubt extremely difficult to watch Max grapple with his reality but it is because of his resilience that we too are able to deal with it all. Certainly there will be more changes ahead but with Max we can count on one thing – the incredible smile which always returns to his face.

And so it seems acceptance has hit Max as regards his surgery in March, or is he just looking forward to Baltimore crab cakes and DC cupcakes?