This isn't what I signed up for.....

Not too long ago after a particularly stressful exchange with our insurance company (about who remembers what because this is a daily event for me) I remember telling a friend, also the Mom of a chronic kiddo, that "this isn't the life I had signed up for ". Of course when you're young you can't imagine anything but a bright future, taking on the world and winning. As far as you're concerned the world is your oyster and problems belong to the other guy not you, then you grow-up. That's the hard part you grow up.....somewhere your life takes a turn, the road becomes bumpy and you're heading for a brick wall. At this point you have a couple of options: you can crumble (believe me I tried ask Michele) or you can take it head on, steer yourself away from certain disaster and find a new road. Seven years ago that's what we did, we were heading off a cliff at break neck speed yet we found a new road and headed in another direction for which there was no map or GPS system, we were flying by the seat of our pants. Before May 2nd 2001 if you had told any of us that this new road would become our permanent address we would have assumed you were a nut!

Today when people tell us that they admire us for our strength I must admit we often reply that we'd prefer to be weak. When we are told we are extraordinary we prefer to just be ordinary. When we are told that we are handling Max's illness with grace I am certain these remarks are being made by someone who hasn't seen me turn into a raving b*%#h when I have to in order to protect Max from some idiotic doctor, intern (the absolute lowest life form in pediatric medicine) or worst yet someone who just doesn't understand Max's challenges and says something really stupid and insulting to him.

This life that I didn't sign up for is beyond tough and lacks much excitement of the glamorous type (there is certainly excitement just not the glamorous type) but this new road we are on sometimes takes the scenic route: we meet someone wonderful who lends us a hand or an ear when we need it, we find a doctor who truly cares and listens to us when we talk, or we have a "lull in fighting the battle" and we just get to be normal for a while. These are things we would have missed on the old road but are crystal clear on the new road.....

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and take time to enjoy your view!